"It's such an amazing thing to do" - Kieron Richardson discusses surrogacy and his twins
His Hollyoaks character Ste Hay has done it all over the past 15 years – but nothing prepared Kieron Richardson and his husband Carl for life with twins.
The couple welcomed Phoebe and Chase to the world, via surrogacy, in May 2017. Kieron spoke to Tiny Happy People about his journey to fatherhood.
Path to pregnancy
For Kieron and Carl, they always knew that they wanted to grow their family.
“I’d been with my husband for coming up to ten years, the next step was to have kids.”
But Kieron knew that the couple would face a number of challenges along the way.
“In a same-sex relationship, it’s not as easy,” he said. “Do we find a surrogate or do we go down the adoption route?"
They began researching the various options for LGBT+ couples to have children in the UK, a personal choice that any couple wanting children must go through in order to decide what will work best for them. After weighing up the different routes, Kieron and Carl settled on surrogacy.
Kieron said: “We met with loads of different families. We had to pick one that liked us and we liked them. We found a lovely family that had already done it before, been through the process a couple of times, and already had a successful twin pregnancy.”
They began the IVF process but faced challenges along the way – hearing the news of a successful pregnancy on the third attempt.
Double the fun
The relationship that Kieron and Carl built with the surrogate mother meant they were fully involved at every stage of the pregnancy – including the surprise news of twins.
“We did the hormone check to find out if it was a single or multiple pregnancy. The surrogate’s hormone levels came back incredibly high, so they said, it’s definitely more than one!
“Is it four, is it five, how many are in there?!”
Another scan at seven weeks confirmed it was twins. Despite living a three-hour drive away from their surrogate mother, Kieron and Carl regularly made the journey, arranging as many scans as possible to make sure their babies were progressing healthily. Being as involved as possible throughout the pregnancy was particularly important for Kieron, who was keen to bond with his children as much as possible before they arrived.
“There’s so much pressure and with how we did it, there were two sides of bonding.
“People told us, ‘don’t let the surrogate bond too much, because it might be very worrying for you’. From our side of it, we worried that we weren’t close enough and we wouldn’t be able to bond.
“I wanted her to bond with them during the pregnancy.
“She’d been through the experience before and just wanted to help a couple that hadn’t had it so easy to have a baby.
“I think it’s a kind of myth that you have to grow the baby inside you to bond, whether you do adoption or our way.
“Even if you’re not there all the time throughout pregnancy, the bond between us and our children is so tight.”
Even if you’re not there all the time throughout pregnancy, the bond between us and our children is so tight.
Magical moments
After a long and, at times, painful path to parenthood, the moment finally arrived.
Kieron says he’ll never forget the first time he saw his children.
“Chase came first - there was a 20-minute gap or so until Phoebe was born.
“It was just that thing you’ve been wanting for for so long and you’ve jumped through so many hoops to get it.
“All this other stuff that your average couple doesn’t have to go through just to prove that you’re allowed to be a parent, you can be a parent. When that opportunity comes and then it’s there right in front of you, you can’t describe that feeling.”
As any new parent will confirm, those early days can be a bit of a blur – particularly with multiple births.
“We didn’t want either of them to bond with just one dad, even at night time, so we made sure they slept in alternate cots every single night. One night I would have Phoebe on my side and then the next night it would be Chase.”
Kieron admits sleeping has been particularly tough – even with the children approaching their fourth birthdays, he says they’re more likely now to end up in his bed in the middle of the night than their own.
Not that he is complaining too much. Kieron says he loves being a dad – and loves sharing experiences with the children.
“It’s even small things like going to a zoo and getting excited about seeing an elephant for the first time, but through your children’s eyes.
“There were so many hurdles to jump through, but I think 'it’s not about me anymore'.
“It’s about these kids you’re raising and you want them to be the best little things.
“It’s such an amazing thing to do.”
There were so many hurdles to jump through, but I think 'it’s not about me anymore'.
