Welcome to the 12 Days of Thirstmas: an extensive examination of all things thirst-worthy in the world of entertainment. Forget parched-ness in a pear tree, if you've been good this year (and especially if you've been naughty), treat yourself to a wide variety of dudes who don't just look good in photos, but in GIFs, too.
On the seventh day we get into the intergalactic thirst-worthiness of John Cho.
Open Letter to the Justice Department:
Here's a justice issue for you: Why isn't John Cho on the cover of every magazine? Right now? Investigate that, Jeff Sessions! When I'm in a supermarket trying to convince myself that, no, I do not need a Dove bar and, yes, I can wait until I get home to eat this Dove bar that I just bought, the thing I want to distract me is John Cho's perfect visage staring out from literally every magazine.
(This GIF randomly says TV PG, but let's be honest: John Cho is always TV MA. This is presuming MA stands for Most Attractive.)
I need a congressional investigation into why John Cho isn't on the cover of People every week, and also Time, and Esquire, and Good Housekeeping, and Popular Mechanics. If you think John Cho has nothing to do with mechanics, especially the popular kind, then you're not paying attention to what your body is telling you!
This is, after all, the man who did the very dangerous thing in Star Trek (I'm sorry, Justice Department, these are all the details I have at this time. My memory was wiped clean and replaced by visions of Cho. If you need more information about his heroic exploits, feel free to purchase Star Trek and Star Trek: Into Darkness on DVD or Blu-Ray for your home theater. It's my understanding that they have 45 minutes of deleted scenes that are just John Cho staring meaningfully in at the stars. You're welcome.)
Justice Department, when will we get a constitutional amendment acknowledging that John Cho is, and has always been, perfection?
John Cho was first thirst-worthy in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, co-starring another exceptionally thirstable star, Kal Penn.
We should have declared these two people national treasures back then, honestly. They are funny, they are hot, and they are willing to star in a movie about craving tiny square hamburgers from a regional touchstone. This is marrying material, Justice Department.
Kal Penn is friends with Michelle Obama, Justice Department! What more do we want?!
And yet! We let them slip through our fingers! I demand government action!
America has been sleeping on John Cho. And not in the good way, obviously, Justice Department. Get your mind out of the gutter, and then put it right back in the gutter. Then do the hokey pokey. Turn it all around. Cho's what it's all about.
Even those of us who have thirsted after him mightily for years have fallen short of truly being awake for John Cho. It is a travesty and we must make it right.
John Cho has, for years, been one of our hottest, funniest, most versatile actors. He is consistently showing up in television shows that we should fervently watch. And what does America do? They do not watch them.
Hot take: America is the cause of its own parchedness. John Cho is the cure.
Here's the facts:
John Cho co-starred in Flash Forward, a series so good I bought the book off of which it was based so that I could find out what happened at the end because I can't really deal with suspense long term but I can handle as much John Cho as you'll give me. Did America watch? Not enough.
Fact: John Cho co-starred in Go On, the Matthew Perry/Laura Benanti series about grief that remains the best sad-com ever made. Did America show up to laugh, to cry, and to thirst after John Cho. Yes! But in an insufficient number for a network still wedded to an old paradigm of success!
Fact: John Cho starred in Selfie with Karen Gillan, a sitcom based on My Fair Lady which finally positioned John Cho in the romantic lead that he occupies in all of our minds.
Did America watch? I have no idea. Ratings are a mystery and television is an enigma. All I know is that it's not on the air anymore, which is why I'm staging a sit-in on the steps of the Supreme Court.
I will not be satisfied until thirst for John Cho gets at least 5 minutes on every nightly news broadcast.
I guarantee you there is nothing more important in the world.
Not to be weird, but this little Muppet has the right idea.
I'm just saying.
Live your best Fifty Shades of Green life, Muppet.
Though we don't have John Cho on TV, we at least get to visit with him in all of the forthcoming Star Trek sequels, like Star Trek III: Sulu Walks Around Shirtless and Makes a Scone. I have already bought tickets for this.
Let me tell you, I am all about hot dudes in space. I don’t even believe in space but if you put a hot dude on a “star” or “planet” or whatever, I’m sold. And John Cho is not the only one.
Wilson Cruz is in space on Stark Trek: Discovery! V. v. hot. Please put him on a coin or a Rushmore, Justice Department.
Shazad Latif is in space, too. In a three-quarter-length coat, the thirst icon's must-have item!
We all know Oscar Isaac is in space, but it bears repeating. If you don't start every day by greeting your local barista with a hearty "Thirst royalty Oscar Isaac is in space!" what are you even doing?
And John Boyega is definitely in space.
It's not even called space anymore. It's called John Boyega's house and it's a thirst palace.
There's a whole folder on my computer called "People gazing adoringly at John Boyega." Please contact me if you need to use it for your case, Justice Department. And may the thirst be with you always.
The hot dude in space is a glorious thing for two reasons. 1) It presupposes that the future exists, which is nice. Sometimes when I wake in the middle of the night screaming “The president is tweeting!” I can lull myself back into a peaceful slumber by mumbling “Commander Riker hasn’t even been born yet. There’s so many hot dudes still to be born.”
2) Space is so vast, just like my thirst.
In conclusion, please put John Cho is everything up to and including every space ship. Put him on every TV on Earth. And put him in a Lyft headed to my house.
Contact me if you have any questions about this, Justice Department. I'm happy to elaborate or testify before the Senate or whatever. It's for the good of the nation.
Catch up on the other days of Thirstmas here.
Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.
![los angeles premiere of universal pictures the fall guy arrivals](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/ryan-gosling-and-emily-blunt-attend-the-los-angeles-news-photo-1714768040.jpg?crop=0.716xw:1.00xh;0.147xw,0&resize=360:* "Los Angeles Premiere Of Universal Pictures "The Fall Guy" - Arrivals")
