'I'm a Woman With a Beard, I Stopped Shaving to Make a Point'

As a child, I was what most people would consider a normal size, but after hitting puberty, I began to gain weight and didn't know why. I was eating normally at home; I didn't have a different diet to the rest of my family, but I just kept getting heavier.

During my teenage years, I was bullied for the way I looked. I was overweight and had really bad acne. Because I was very badly picked on for my appearance, my life was a misery at school. I got advice on changing my diet, but nothing seemed to work.

Now, I know the reason behind my acne and weight gain was polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), a common hormonal disorder that affects how women's ovaries work, but back in the late 80s, nobody I knew was really aware of the condition.

Being diagnosed with PCOS

The first time I heard about PCOS was when I was diagnosed in 1993, at the age of nineteen. I can't remember the reason I visited my doctor, but during the appointment he turned around to me and said: "I'm going to send you for blood tests and a scan, I think you have something called polycystic ovary syndrome ."

I didn't think much of it at the time, but later it was confirmed I had PCOS. The only advice I was given was: "Here is the contraceptive pill, go on it. Come back when you want to have a baby." In my opinion, even now, there is a very definite lack of knowledge and understanding about PCOS amongst some doctors.

At the time, I didn't really consider what my diagnosis meant. As a teenager, if something isn't explained to you properly, then it's unlikely you'll question it. Getting more information just wasn't something that was high up on my priority list.

I started growing a small amount of facial hair in my late twenties. It was only the odd hair on my top lip, but in my mid-thirties I started growing a few more on my chin. I would use a pair of nail scissors to trim them down. I tried electrolysis and laser hair removal, but by the time I reached my mid-forties, the volume of hair had increased to the point where I could grow a beard, so I had to start shaving.

How PCOS impacts my daily life

For me personally, there are two main ways my condition affects me; weight problems due to insulin resistance and hirsutism, which causes excessive hair growth caused by raised testosterone levels. Since reaching my mid-forties, I've had to shave on a regular basis; two or three times a week.

While I shave regularly, constantly removing facial hair means my skin gets sore, itchy and irritated, which I don't want all the time. I use moisturizers to try and soothe my face, but if I'm not going out or doing anything special, I think: "Why not let it grow for a couple of days? If I end up with a ten or five o'clock shadow in the evening or a tiny bit of stubble, don't worry about it." But that is when society starts telling you it's wrong.

Over the years, I've felt a lot of judgment because of my appearance. If I walk down the street without shaving, I see numerous people staring and laughing at me. I'm used to it, but at the same time, I don't think I should have to be.

Trolling on TikTok

In 2018, I decided to get a new pet parrot called Luna. After she hatched I wanted to share my experiences with her on social media. On TikTok there's a large community of parrot owners, who I wanted to learn from, so I decided to set up an account. This was before the app had really taken off and I did a couple of videos for a bit of a giggle, but I didn't focus on it. After a while kind of lost interest.

Like many people, after the COVID-19 pandemic I wanted to expand my social circle, so I decided to go on TikTok again to try to get to know more people in the parrot community. I started posting videos and by early June of this year, I had built up enough of a following for the platform to allow me to stream live videos. That is when everything changed.

During the first live stream I ever did, the number of trolls and bullies that came out of the woodwork was shocking. I was not prepared for it; it took me by surprise. Even when I only had a few facial hairs, countless users were telling me to: "Go and shave, bro" or asking me: "Are you a man or a woman?" To this day, they continually ask me things like: "What are you?" or even: "What is it?"

This type of bullying is nothing unusual for me, but I want to draw attention to the fact that having facial hair is not necessarily a choice. I have to shave multiple times a week because society says that women should not have a beard, and while I don't want facial hair, I don't think anybody's place to tell me I can not have it.

There can be dire consequences of social media bullying and for anyone who is not as strong as me, it could be incredibly tough. I never saw myself as a strong person, but after so many people told me that I am, I have accepted that I am.

I have heard from so many other women with my condition, both in real life and online, who have said: "How do you have the confidence to do what you do?" Or said their own self-esteem has increased because of seeing me on TikTok.

Growing a beard for PCOS awareness

After being trolled so heavily, in August this year I decided that I would stop shaving. I was so sick of the online bullies telling me that I shouldn't have a beard, I thought: "Why do I have to shave with PCOS?" It's not that I want to have facial hair, but I should be able to have the choice.

A huge number of people have said to me: "You're ugly" or: "You're a man." My response to them is, why are you judging a woman on how she looks in the first place? Why not find out who that person really is?

One of the main reasons I decided to grow my beard was to draw attention to what PCOS is and the easiest way of doing that is to get people asking: "Why do you have a beard?" There have been some people who haven't even asked and just said: "You do you." That is the reaction I want everybody to have. If some women want to have a beard, let them.

There was only one day, around one month into growing my beard, when I was tempted to delete my account due to bullying. The number of nasty comments I received was shocking. The trolls came thick and fast at me; it felt like an attack.

But I had a conversation with a friend who reminded me how many positive comments I'd had already and I'm so glad I did not, because I know how many people I've helped by raising awareness of the condition, and that's the whole point of me doing this.

The number of people who have told me they've had the exact same experience as me, particularly with doctors, is shocking. I have been told: "You have PCOS, take the pill and come back when you want a baby" without any advice in the meantime. It's heartbreaking, because I believe so many people are not receiving nearly as much help and understanding as they need.

Shaving off my beard for a PCOS charity

To begin with I didn't know how long I was going to stop shaving for, but I carried on and carried on. By October I had a very nice beard, which I shaved off to raise money for PCOS charity, Verity.

I raised over £2,000 ($2,260) for the charity, because they have genuinely helped me with my condition over the years. Reading about other women's experiences on their Facebook support group has made me realize I'm not alone.

I filmed the shave and 17,000 people viewed part of the stream live, with the clip gaining over 61,000 views so far, which I'm absolutely thrilled about. I'm delighted, because it's getting awareness out there, which is the whole reason I grew the beard in the first place.

I want to draw attention to the fact that at present, there is no cure for PCOS. While there are treatments that can work to help some women handle their symptoms, I don't believe there's enough research into a condition which is thought to affect one in ten women.

I would like to encourage people to look at their fingerprints and see how unique they are. Your finger print will never, ever be repeated. It's 100 percent you and will never be duplicated in any shape or form. So, if you are completely unique, why should you have to conform to what other people want?

Annette Lawrence, from Buckinghamshire, England, is working with Verity charity to raise awareness of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). You can follow her TikTok account on @thenamesluna_conure and visit Verity's website here.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek editor, Monica Greep.